self control

I can barely type the words "self control", because I feel as if I don't have any.

This weekend I went camping for the first time with my family. I had camped before but not with the dear husband and kids. It was great! It was relaxing and stress free. My brother and his wife just bought a beautiful trailer and it was a pleasure to stay in. I even packed healthy snacks - carrots, cucumber, celery, 100 calorie packs, baked tostitos. Unfortnately, as you will see from my food journal, not nearly enough!

I would love to know what mechanism in my brain/body is broken....the mechansim that tells you to STOP. I would love to fix it. On one hand, I know the tips to maintain restraint such as always eat breakfast (I didn't), keep enough fruits and veggies around (I didn't), drink plenty of water (I didn't). So, I suppose with that the mechansim that may be broken is planning and journaling. I think if I had a written plan and had journaled as I ate, things may have went better. But maybe not. I have to find a new way.

What I need is for someone with a bull horn to follow me around. Then, once I reach a serving size on anything that person could blare the bull horn: STEP AWAY FROM THE SNACK MIX....REPEAT....STEP AWAY FROM THE SNACK MIX. Of course, that person might need a second strategy if I don't comply.

Maybe a tazer.


Food for Saturday the 29th and Sunday the 30th
Breakfast
Nothing (bad, very bad)

Snack
Veggies
Baked tostitos
Hummus

Lunch
Cheeseburger
Birthday cake

Snack
100 calorie pack
100 calorie pack
100 calorie pack
100 calorie pack
Hostess cupcake
(yes, that is not a typo....four 100 calorie packs)

Supper
½ brat
10 shrimp

2 smores
5 marshamallows (not nearly as bad as I thought they would be)

Breakfast
Eggs
Sausage
Toast
Fried potatoes

Late lunch
Cheese burger
Beans
Snack mix with white chocolate (this stuff was created by Satan...I am just sure of it!)

Snack
Granola bar

Whew!

Exercise/Training
Does the trek through the big box store to buy all the above crap count? Didn't think so.

GMMR
Wow. I ate a total of 113 points in two days. That is about twice as many as I was supposed to have. The truth of the matter is, if I had not been thinking of AnnieBFit, I would have eaten more. Too true. So, the good news of all this is, as I stick to the program and eat food that is good for me, move more, drink more h20, and keep on blogging I can't help but succeed! I am also proud of myself for "getting right back on the horse"....you know what I mean? This morning I got up, went to deep water aerobics, had a decent breakfast,snack and lunch. So far so good! I guess it is true what they say in A.A.: one day at a time.

TTFN!

Food Porn

I was introduced to the concept of food porn a number of years ago on a weight loss forum called "bootcamp buddies." The premise of bootcamp buddies is to follow the weight watchers program as perfectly as possible. That is to say, not only count points, but journal them, eat the appropriate amount of veggies and calcium, drink the suggested amount of water.....you get the picture.

One of the things I loved about bootcamp buddies was their no-nonsense approach to whining. It was not tolerated. Another thing that is not tolerated is food porn. Food porn is basically the indepth description of food that a good bootcamp buddy would never eat. This description was typically wrapped in a whiny forum post about how sad the offender was for eating the deep fat fried twinkie, or the three happy meals, or the vat of Cap'n Crunch. Addiction counselors might call this type of description as a "trigger"...something that can set of addictive behaviors.

Well, today I came across the mother of all food porn sites - www.thisiswhyyouarefat.com It is a pictoral homage to the age old question of "how did I let myself get this way." As I looked through it, I was repulsed and fascinated at the same time. Sure, I could pat myself on the back because I had never eaten a deep fried chicken patty on a bun that consisted of two jelly filled krispy kremes (I kid you not, it is there). But any of us that is more than a little overweight surely have our own version of food porn. I already divulged my sordid affair with the good Cap'n in a previous post.

During dinner tonight I ruminated a bit about how I got to the place I am on the scale. Sure, there was the three kids, the quitting smoking, the fact that my throid stopped working for a time....all true. But even more true is (was) my willingness to not only enjoy looking at food porn, but devouring it, and in massive quantities. I have seen the enemy, and it is not the deep fried oreos on a stick....it is I.

Food
Breakfast
WW Bagel
veggie cream cheese

Lunch
Hu Hot (gotta love a place that has sooooo many veggies!)

Supper
Mahi Mahi
rice pilaf
mixed veggies & asparagus
salad with light french and light ranch

Exercise
I took the day off

GMMR
Tommorow I am going camping with my family. It will be the first time we have done this. My brother and sister in law got a camper and a boat, so we are going to go hang with them. It is these situations where I freak out a little because my brain seems to believe that I am giving up all control. I don't know what percentage of fat the burgers will be, I don't know what they have planned for breakfast, I don't know what food porn might be strewn throughout the camp site. I don't know. And I am going to just have to be ok with that. I will let you know on Sunday how that goes.

TTFN

6 am??? What was I thinking???

In my first post I mentioned a work out a co-worker of mine calls "misery in the morning". This is a group training workout led by another co-worker of mine named David aka The Evil One (he is a professional personal trainer.) A small band of us with amazingly different abilities come together every Tuesday and Thursday morning at 6 am to be tortured, ummm, I mean encouraged by David. There is me, Colette - my partner in crime when it comes to the upcoming marathon and my soul sister, Dan - an avid runner and all around smart a$$, Jim - an intense, yet pleasingly sarcastic and annoyingly physically fit friend, and Brenda - one of the sweetest humans I have ever met who once laid down on the floor of the YMCA in the middle of our workout because ....well, I am not sure why....I guess she needed a rest! We joke, we laugh, we encourage, we sweat. I love two things about this twice a week ritual. The first is the endorphin release that makes me feel like I could walk on water that I experience after nearly every workout. The second is this group of people that accepts me for who I am right now yet still believes I can become something better and is willing to put up with my weak, slow presence until I do so. Having them in my life makes me a lucky girl!

Food
Breakfast
2 poached eggs
2 slices of light toast

Lunch
Weight Watcher's Smart Ones Quesadilla (always makes me think of Napoleon Dynamite)

Snack
100 calorie popcorn pack

Supper
Astronaut chicken (rotisserie chicken..you have to read Stephen King's Duma Key to get the connection)
Amazing salad - greens, avocado, feta, sunflower seed, tomatoes fresh from someoneelse's garden (thanks Dr.!), and mushrooms
Baked Potato with light sour cream

Snack
100 calorie pack cookies and light/sugar free ice cream

Exercise/Training
Misery in the Morning
1.55 miles on the treadmill in the pm (30 minutes...I think I can, I think I can....)

GMMR
Today when I was on the treadmill a friend of mine, Lindsey, joined in on the treadmill next to me. Lindsey is actually "Lindsey B Foxy"....she used to be "Lindsey B Chunky" (please forgive me L, but I couldn't resist!) and she is a big inspiration to me mentally. She asked about my exercise routine and I told her that I had been alternating between deep water aerobics and misery in the morning in the AM and doing my walking in the evenings. She said "So, how long will you be doing two-a-days?" What an interesting way to describe it. And my first instinct was to say...."two-a-days are for serious athletes, I am just trying to fight myself out of this fat suit." But in that split second I embraced the idea of being an athlete. My beautiful daughter Alex reminded me yesterday that I am what I think I am. And today I choose to be an athlete.

TTFN!

I Love a Man in Uniform

Among my many bad habits: I used to end the day the way most people start their day --with a bowl of cereal. A "bowl" of cereal might not be the most accurate description. A vat of cereal....a cauldron of cereal.....bowls so big if you let go of the spoon you could loose it...you get the picture. In fact, that is what I want right now. A vat of Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries (although I never quite got over them abandoning the all red crunchberry motif). However, I never quite reached the extreme of Janine Sugawara of California who sued General Mills for -
wait for it....wait for it....
...misleading her into believing that crunchberries are a REAL fruit. I kid you not. I quote: “A reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist,” the judge said in his ruling. “So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.” Check it out for yourself http://www.attorneyatlaw.com/2009/06/judge-dismisses-suit-claiming-capn-crunch-crunchberries-arent-real-fruit/
So, I may have not been so blinded by the handsome Cap'n to believe that there is anything faintly resembling fruit in that big yellow box, but I did somehow convince myself that after a day full of food that I was so hungry at 10 o'clock at night that I needed to carb load with a gallon bucket of the stuff. Why? Because it made me feel good. The same way a good hot shower feels after a day of hard physical labor. The same good I used to experience smoking a cigarette after a meal. But, much like cigarettes, that good is deceptive. It only lasts as long (at best) as it takes to put away the box and wash the bowl.
Now I am looking to replace the Cap'n - I'm sorry Horatio! yes, that really is his name. I must tell you goodbye. You are just no good for me! Sure, we had some good times, but it all ended up the same way....on my butt. Tonight I am going to bed with a belly full of H2O and my dignity.

Food
Breakfast
Weight Watcher English Muffin
1 T peanut butter

Lunch
Cobb Salad with lite ranch and lite french

Snack
Vanilla yogurt with sliced strawberries and granola

Supper
Broccoli Potato Soup
Spinach Salad

Snack
DQ ice cream sandwich

Exercise/Training
Deep Water Aerobics

GMMR
I went to Legends today for lunch. They have a fairly small lunch menu, but an extensive regular menu. I'll bet I read through that thing 10 times, mentally calculating points. It felt like I had a little devil Annie on one shoulder whispering "aww, come on. a few onion rings ain't gonna kill you. and just because the menu describes the shrimp as 'smothered' how bad can that be?" And then on my other shoulder was a little angel Annie shouting "Don't do it! That sh*t will kill you!!!!" So what made me order the lunch sized cobb salad instead of the mountain of onion rings? It was this right here. I tried to imagine coming back here to type my day and admit having eaten two days worth of calories at one meal. So, thanks! You really helped me today. I can't wait until tomorrow!

TTFN

So it begins....again

Sigh. I used to be thin. No, really. I used to be in pretty good shape. Maybe not uber-thin like the Olson twin with the "issues", but I must admit I was pretty hot. Now, I am fat. Don't start doing that thing that people do --- "oh, you are not fat" or ::giggle:: "you are not". YES I AM. I do own a mirror, people! I am fat. I just ran to the scale to check, and I am 225.5 pounds and 5' 4". Fat.

But, I am here to do something about that, and I am inviting you along. Lucky you. So here is the deal. I am going to journal my way to Annie B Fit. My plan of attack is three pronged: eat right, exercise, and change my brain. That third thing is what this blog is really about. I will, of course, be journaling my eating and exercise habits, but it is here that the real work of "getting my mind right" as my Grandpa would say. Along the way I will tell you what is working, what isn't, and any tips and tricks I come across.

So, a little about this journey so far. Yesterday was my "re-re-re-re commit" day. Why re-re-re-re? Well, if I put all the re's that I should it would take pages. It isn't like this is my first rodeo. I have tried for years. But, as Yoda would say, "Do or do not, their is no try." So, yesterday was the start of my do-over. I ate well (29 points eaten minus 5 activity points, for you weight watcher folks) and I went to water aerobics. Yeah Me! Today was good, too. I have 5.5 points left and I have not used my activity points which are probably about 3.

My intent will be to tell you each day what I have eaten and what exercise I have done and what I have done about "getting my mind right" GMMR!. So....let's start today!

Breakfast - 3 points
Weight Watcher Bagel
1 T veggie cream cheese

Lunch - 9 points
Leftover Macaroni Pie (yumm-o!)
Salad

Supper - 9
Lime Tilapia
Broccoli
Couscous
Salad

For a snack I will be having hummus and pita to round out my day.

Exercise/Training
Only got to do 10 minutes of "misery in the morning"...I'll tell you more about that another day!
30 minutes walking (1.5 miles....pathetic, but I gotta start somewhere!)
Physical Therapy Exercises - 20 minutes

GMMR
An expected challenge has popped up. Jordan, my middle daughter, has volleyball practice every morning at 6:30. Both of my preferred classed start at 6:00 am. What to do, what to do. I really can't start later, since my youngest still needs some supervision getting ready in the morning., so I must be home by 7 am. Any and all suggestions are welcome!

My buddy Collete loaned me her "Marathons for Mortals" book. I had already read "Running for Mortals" which is A-MAZE-ING and highly entertaining to boot. I strongly recommend it for anyone that thinks they can't exercise. But I digress. The Marathon book has some great training plans to choose from.

Wait, you say?

Marathon?

Training?

You must be wondering what in the world I could be talking about. There is no easy way to put it. I am signed up to do a half marathon on January 9th, 2010. Gulp. We have planned our entire family vacation around it, so, it must happen. Never a dull moment.

TTFN!